Blog
Raising the Bar
Sep
Welcome to “Raising The Bar,” my series on bar etiquette. I’ve been to bars all over the country both as a bartender and (much more often) as a customer, and I’d like to think I’ve become an expert at behaving in a way that makes bartenders want to keep serving me drinks. And that’s the goal, isn’t it? Regardless of whatever other reason you went out, you wanted to drink. And while a bartender’s job is to serve you, if you’re a pain in the ass, that definitely makes them less likely to take care of you.
I plan to pass on the knowledge I’ve obtained over the years on a variety of subjects: everything from “don’t hit on the bartender,” to “tip,” to “don’t sing Bohemian Rhapsody.” Some of these rules may seem like common sense, but I promise you that if I’m writing about them, they’ve happened. The topic I’ve chosen for the first installment is one of the easiest, but also one of the most important. Let’s talk about how to order a drink.
Know what you want
First things first, know what you want. It’s okay to try new things in a restaurant or on a Tuesday. But if it’s Friday night, no bartender wants to hear you ask them for suggestions. When I was bartending and someone asked me to “surprise them,” they got a double whiskey and coke. I don’t care if you were a factory worker just off a long shift or a bachelorette out with your girls for your “last night of freedom,” you got a double whiskey and coke. Also, stop calling it your last night of freedom. You’re not married yet, sure. But you’re still in a committed relationship, so you’re definitely not having a consequence-free night.
So seriously, know what you want to drink. If not the specifics, then at least know your general category. If I’m going to a bar and don’t want my usual 7&7, and for some reason I can’t see the selection from where I’m sitting, I’ll ask for a whiskey list. That’s fine. It’s also fine to ask what the specials are. It’s also okay to ask what’s on tap or for a beer list. But this vague “I don’t know what to get, what do you think?” needs to stop. Just like “I don’t know, make me something fruity!
There are so many different fruity drinks! You could want a Malibu and pineapple, you could want a Sex on the Beach, you could want a Blue Hawaiian. All three of those taste wildly different, but are definitely fruity drinks. And if you don’t like what I made you, I can’t make you finish it and pay for it, I have to take it back and make you something else. That means I’ve wasted product, and even more time making you something different. If you don’t know what you like, then you probably aren’t mature enough to be in a bar.
Also, a little common sense goes a long way. I once had someone come in and ask if I had any red beers. That’s a good start, he knows what he likes. Problem is, we did not have any red beers. When I told him no, he responded, “Okay, what about Killian’s?” For those of you who aren’t beer drinkers, the full name of Killian’s is Killian’s Irish Red. So, gentle reader, do you think that we had Killian’s in a bar where I just told him we don’t have any red beers? That gentleman wasted my time, the time of the person in line behind him, and to be completely honest, he wasted his own time also. Know your drinks, and pay attention. Yeesh.
Stop asking us to “Make it strong”
The next thing you shouldn’t do in your drink ordering is ask your bartender to “make it strong.” There are lots of reasons not to do this. First, if you want a stronger than normal drink you should order a double. That is the only 100% successful way to get your bartender to make a stronger drink. Other ways include: order shots with a mixer as the back and mix it yourself, or drink at home where you are your own bartender. Alternatively, you can become a regular known for tipping well, and sometimes the bartender will pour with a heavy hand for you, but that is never guaranteed.
There are several reasons you shouldn’t ask a bartender to make your drink strong. The first reason is because when you say that, you’re telling the bartender that they aren’t good at their job. Most bartenders are fairly confident in their ability to tend bar, and telling them you don’t think they’re making drinks right is insulting. That is a great way to make sure your drinks are slow and not great. Also, I said “most bartenders are fairly confident” because I don’t like dealing in absolutes (except that Space Jam is the best and Matchbox 20 is the worst). I have never once met a bartender who was willing to admit they weren’t a great bartender, even if all evidence indicated they were okay at best. The second reason is boring, sorry. If a bartender makes a drink extra strong for you, then they’re going to have to start doing that for everyone. Sorry to be the one to tell you, you’re not special. And if they’re making drinks extra strong for everyone, inventory will decrease in a manner not consistent with sales, and that will draw the attention of the manager, and eventually end in the bartender losing their job for costing the bar money.
Less ice equals more liquor
The last thing I want to mention this week is that ordering your drink without ice isn’t going to make it stronger. When a bartender makes your drink, the amount of liquor should be consistent between drinks. That’s one of the marks of a good bartender: consistency. The mixer is then added to fill the glass. So consider it this way . . . if you remove the ice, then add the exact same amount of liquor, all you’re getting more of is the mixer.
You will get the same amount of liquor no matter what, but it’s more diluted with mixer, thus tasting weaker. Ordering a drink with no ice because you want it stronger is stupid. I’m not saying you’re stupid, but you’re definitely doing a stupid thing.
I plan to close each week with a recipe for one of my favorite drinks. This week, a refreshing summer gin drink: the Tom Collins. Enjoy!
Tom Collins
- Fill a Collins glass with 1.5 cups of ice
- Mix 2 oz gin, .75 oz lemon juice, and .5 oz simple syrup; shake with ice
- Pour over ice in the Collins glass
- Top with club soda
- Garnish with lemon
