Blog
Day Drinking In Quarantine
Apr
Let’s talk about day drinking.
Most of our states are under shelter in place orders or some form of lockdown, so the short version of this month’s blog is that time isn’t real. Go wild.
The longer version is that even though time isn’t real right now, eventually it will be again and there will be consequences to some of your actions during this lockdown. So despite the fact that it’s been weeks since you’ve had a face to face interaction with anyone who doesn’t live with you other than through a drive through window, you have to be careful. So here are some tips for how to survive the lockdown without neglecting your day drinking.
If you’re working from home, don’t drink while you’re working. I’ve been watching a lot of Mad Men the past week or so, and one thing I’m always jealous of is the societal acceptance of drinking at work. But then I had to realize, that’s fiction. Sure, there were people with liquor cabinets at work then (I’m sure there still are now), but it wasn’t nearly as widespread nor nearly to the same excess as portrayed by Don, Roger, and the gang. Normal people couldn’t handle that level of drinking and still manage to be productive. Hell, I have a pretty impressive tolerance and even I didn’t start drinking until just now because I had work to do.
And if you’re thinking, “It’s just one beer, there’s no harm,” then I want you to pull a Missy Elliot (put that thang down, flip it, and reverse it). What’s the benefit? What good is one beer during the day? No, you’re a little mouse, and this is your cookie. You’re not stopping at one, you’re going to have a few, and you’ll justify it all the way. Then before you know it, you’re at the Zoom meeting making fun of your boss because you forgot to turn off the microphone.
Even if you’re not working from home, don’t text your boss when you’ve been drinking. My job is furloughed right now, but for some reason my boss keeps texting us. If you have a boss like this, or a boss who texts or calls after hours, you need to make sure you don’t respond when you’ve been drinking. Nothing good comes of that. My natural cynicism is bad enough without adding booze to it when I talk to my boss. I’ll say it again, nothing good comes of that. You drink to ignore work, why would you want to talk to someone who you only interact with at or about work?
On the same note as don’t text your boss, don’t text your co-workers. If you don’t have the kind of relationship with your co-workers where you already text them outside of work, don’t start doing it now that you’re bored and you’ve been drinking. Just like with work, nothing good comes of drunk texting or calling a co-worker after drinks and three weeks without seeing another living soul. At best, you’ll be politely rebuffed and nobody will think anything of it beyond “oh, Dan’s drunk again, he’s so crazy!” But much more likely you’ll embarrass yourself and them, and it’ll be pretty damn awkward when we all go back to work (whenever that is).
Look, drinking is great. And there’s not a lot to do right now other than drink away the days and nights. You just have to be careful, because eventually the real world is going to come back, and you’ll have to deal with the consequences of whatever happens now.
Before we get to the drink recipe, I want to take a moment to do some shameless self promotion. My debut comedy album “Not Too Friendly, But Prompt & Polite” is being released on Saturday, April 25th. It’s currently available for presale on my website, and will be on iTunes and Spotify. We will also be doing an album release show on Facebook Live via The Drop Comedy Club’s page at 8pm Eastern if you’d care to join us. I’ll be hosting a lineup of some of my favorite comedians around the country to promote my first album ever, and I can’t wait.
This month’s drink recipe is a good one for when this ends and you can see people again (or now, if you want to drink 8 margaritas). It serves 8, and it’s delicious.
- Make a sugar syrup mix by combining a half cup of sugar and 1 cup water, simmering and stirring until the mix combines, let cool
- Create sugar/salt mixture in a shallow dish by combining 1.5 tbsp sugar and .5 tsp salt
- Rim as many glasses as you’re using with lime juice, then dip into sugar/salt mix
- Combine sugar syrup, 1 cup blanco tequila, .75 cups Gran Marnier liqueur, .75 cups lime juice, and 12 oz fresh blackberries in a blender, blend until smooth
- Strain mix over cheesecloth or colander into pitcher
- Serve over ice, garnish with lime wedges
