A Very Bubble Boy St. Patrick’s Day

I don’t know what state or country you live in, but as events progress with this diagnosed pandemic, many of us will be forced to stay home. That means we’ll have to figure out ways to stay social while we drink and party for this most green and drunk of holidays. So I decided to share some suggestions for how to drink and party in a quarantine without seeming like you’re in a sad country song.

1. Online gaming is a no-brainer here. Grab some friends who play your game on your system, set up some rules to make it a drinking game, and let it fly. For pure fairness, maybe all get a game that you’ve never played before or haven’t played in a while. Mario Party, Smash Brothers, and Mario Kart are great for this, but the games don’t have to be on Nintendo systems. Xbox, Playstation, and Steam all have great online multiplayer games also. Just set whatever rules you want that mean you all have to drink, and rely on the honor system (and also who is getting progressively worse).
2. That first option can definitely get pricey. A second, much cheaper option is to pick a terrible movie which none of you have seen. Set up a Google video chat (they can have up to ten people), and again, determine drinking rules for the movie. A particularly unsafe rule for the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers movie is “take a drink every time someone overacts.” Don’t do that, you’ll die.
   • As an added fun twist, set up a hashtag and livetweet the movie with your rules and any fun thoughts you come up with.
3. For the third option, bring back your video chat, and we’re doing a Beer Olympics. You’ll need to set up rotating judges (or have a sober friend, if you like hanging out with weirdos). Almost every drinking game can be played via webcam, from beer pong to flip cup, to a chugging contest. There’s definitely some honor system involved, but the judges will help with that.
4. Finally, you can always just not worry about seeming like an alcoholic recluse, sit in the dark, and listen to increasingly aggressive Irish music while you slam shots of Tullamore Dew until you run next door and punch your neighbor. I’m not saying you should do that, but I’m also not going to tell you how to live your life.

This month’s drink is a sweet and tasty mint treat called a Grasshopper Martini. Now, Paul doesn’t like when things are called martinis when they’re not the traditional gin, vermouth, and olive juice [Because they’re not. -Ed.], but he’s not writing this, and he also doesn’t think a Harvey Wallbanger is pretentious. So, clearly, he’s becoming addled in his old age. Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy this fancied up grasshopper cocktail.

• Dress a martini glass with drizzled chocolate sauce
• Combine .75 oz creme de menthe, .75 oz creme de cacao, and 3 oz milk; shake over ice
• Strain into your martini glass
• Garnish with whipped cream and shaved Andes mints